Something about today is bothering me. Not sure if it's entirely due to the disagreements and seeming "power play" in my afternoon meeting or that the word Ambivalent may be used to describe me.
My experience w/ ambivalence has been on the receiving end of that emotion - if you can call it that, never the perpretrator.
I have a reaction.
I have an emotion.
What I don't have is a true awareness of the larger picture to the consequences of my action(s). As time goes on and the closer to the departure date I get the more confused I become. I've been asked by many why I'm leaving. I'd like to tell them the reason I told Bob, but it just seems too personal and giving out way too much information about myself...even though I feel as though everyone knows what's going on in my life.
I'm kinda' embarrassed really. I'll be 34 years old in two months and I've decided to go back home. I've weighed out the pros and cons for staying and leaving and leaving wins - not by much, but it's still a win...
It's strange how I felt like I didn't need anyone for so long and suddenly feel like I need everyone.