Can the Reflection be Trusted?

I dreamt that I didn't recognize myself; or rather didn't recall the time I was witnessing. A video was shown to me by a man who didn't tell me right away that we knew each other in the past, had a relationship in fact, of me partaking in a family get together - his family.  The camera panned around the home showing all the faces of a family and man I didn't remember.  Then a focus on me.  Who was she? She looks like me (albeit a younger version) but the look in her eyes - wide eyes w/ dilated pupils... the rambunctious nature of her laughing, movement was so very unfamiliar that... it couldn't be. 

Wrong Reflection
(Photo Credit: www.flickzzz.com)

It was.  

How could I forget such a time?

How could I forget so many faces?

How could I forget him?

The look in my eyes the brief moment I turned in mid-laughter and stared directly at the camera - at me looking back at me was... crazed.

The dream further progressed to a different scene of me returning to work - walking down a hallway I come upon a wall and table w/ random writings, "Yes, Fire Hire her" and other phrases of opposing thought on the return of someone to the company.  I was the only one that left and the only one that came back...so, anonymous expressions of me?  The Me I don't remember that they do?  The Me that I've become that they don't recognize?

--

To my Reader: It's needless to say I didn't sleep well last night.  I've been stressed over my return to complete a Bachelor's of Science program with a continuation to a Master's program.  I am not having difficulty with the material - I am understanding it fairly well.  I am stressed over the reality of what I'm doing.  No more messing around - this time I mean business and I'm staking my future on it... 

~*~

As always, thank you for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

Silent Tiger

A smile creeps over my face as i stare darkness in the eye and disavow it's fear...

A step in the right direction through the evaporating mist that Fear once was...

My senses are aware: through the absence of light i feel the path layered and clear...

Steadily breathing in the knowledge that what i have aren't flaws, but rather gently sharpened claws...

So let envy thrive and dissipate with the wind as it cleanses the smears...

Frozen in Time for so long, the warmth engulfs me as the frost thaws...

Source: aquieterstorm.tumblr.com via Cindy on Pinterest

~*~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

Just Breathe

It's dizzying trying to make sense of words without meaning...

Swirling in my mind w/ a fraction of life that they once had...

The weight of the darkness slowly squeezes the energy interlaced in the light...

With one swish of my hand they move about like water bubbles in the air...

"...Just breathe..."

"...and breathe out"
by MichaelMagin.deviantart.com

Light piercing through the darkness like the sun through storm clouds...

Let life wash over your skin and seep into your pores radiating Love...

The stillness holds such a heavy fright quietly creeping about...

There is an uneasy calm surrounding the trees with whispers of a storm...

~*~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

A Door and A Staircase

What if you miss It by continuing to climb?
What if you miss It by walking through the door?

Today I cried tears of sorrow for the first time since I lost the depressive black cloud among the rays of sunshine that seeped into my dreams at night.  The dawn has lifted and the air is stale... looking through a stained glass window I wonder when the wind will stop and the rain will begin - falling from the sky w/ effervescent splendor washing away the muck and dust.

I am in front of a door and a staircase confronted by a decision that is purely my own.  Not knowing what lays past the threshold of the door or beyond the horizon of the staircase... I wait.

Staring.

Pacing.

Calculating.

Envisioning.

   

(Photo Credit: AshenSorrow)

I wait for the courage to take on the weight of the first step - without knowing the price that will have to be paid (one way or the other).  I close my eyes whispering, "Push me - just push me..."  I make my body light and loosen my knees and feel the light pull of gravity wanting to pull me forward, backward, and sideways at the same time.

"Just push me..."

Make it happen - anything is better than standing still staring at a future without moving away from the past and ignoring the present clues all around you singing, laughing, whispering, chanting, and reciting wisdom.  The grand wisdom from all those that stood at this very spot.

~*~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira

about.me/deyanira

Indecision of the Heart

The Artist in me aches to create with my hands...

The Maternal Nature in me instantly wants to heal and guide when pain, sadness, and confusion reflects through eyes looking for love and relief...

The Matriarch in me looks to get it right and do my part in the bigger picture of whatever I am involved in...

The Musician in me longs to calmly glide the bow across my violin's strings and allow the beauty of her sound to ring true...

The Writer in me searches for a tranquil location among the tall trees and fog to be inspired and reflect on the subtleties of life and logic...

"Multiple Facets of a Young Girl - I" (redbubble.com)

Why do I distinguish? In searching for the right path to take I find myself at odds with myself more times than anything else.  Deciding what to concentrate my efforts on has become a paralyzing challenge.  I find that I am not able to touch upon my many desires and that leaves me feeling incomplete.  The same ideas swirl and sound like a broken record in my mind.  I have a sense that I am being negatively affected by this indecision I find myself in.

~*~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

Time. Time.

Time.

Time.

The passage of Time is frozen in a fragile bubble lacking sufficient oxygen.

The roads: too many..

The pressure: too strong...

I suffocate; I freeze at the knowledge of so much information, again.

Too many interests...

Too many desires...

Too many ideas...

Too many choices...

Not enough Time...

Photo Credit: www.mapio.com

~*~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

I Dreamt a Little Dream

I found myself in a room surrounded by familiar avatars that moved like GIF's.  Sitting closely in the chairs we are all here to see the same thing - a movie, perhaps... it's unclear as I never really look forward.  Instead I'm stunned that I'm in the same room as so many of my +Google+ friends!

I recognize their faces but don't say anything wondering if they will recognize me...  

I see +Lou Martinez sitting next to +Jeannette A. Fur laughing together.  I see +Raymond Churchfield holding hands w/ a beautiful female, too - she's beautiful shades of black and white w/ bright red lipstick with a hair style from the 20's. I see +Dana R. Arevalo a few rows behind me smiling.

At one point I feel that I'm being recognized by Raymond as it appears that he's whispering to another while looking my way.  I think to myself that if I don't say something now - it will be really awkward to later say, "Yeah that was me, sorry I didn't say 'Hello'..."

The Pied Piper of Dreams, by Leni Kae (c), Oil and Acrylic on Linen

(Photo Credit: http://lenikae.com)

Next, I'm out on a big City street walking by dimly lit stores and restaurants.  I turn and see Lou with Jeannette and take a deep breathe and say, "Are you Lou Martinez?"

He responds, "Yes, that's me."

I look at him and Jeannette and say, with a smile, "Hi I'm Dee, +Dave Vargas's friend."

"Yeah, I know." he says.

--

Dreaming about our friends* is pretty much good news as it is an indicator that relationships are important and meaningful to our self awareness.  Additionally, the gathering* itself is important as it can mean that we are being influenced by others.  I have come to appreciate my experience with those I encounter on Google+ and the many ideas and discussion that are brought forward. Perhaps this dream is just an indicator of the amount of current influence on my life. Alternatively, I wonder if it also says, "You need to get out more..." 

*Source: Dreammoods.com

~*~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

melancholy and glum

face down - turned away from the sun staring at our shadow...
restless is the beating heart that dampens our spirit...
melancholy and glum is the state we're in...
living life for the moment, except for today...

(Image Credit: source unknown, via www.favim.com)

dreary is the light that travels through the trees...
barely able to glisten on the on the moss at our feet...
melancholy and glum is the state we're in...
living life for the moment, except for today...

~*~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

Ramblings of a Beating Heart

To matter; be loved

To fill a heart with my immortal spirit

To live and breathe for another

I listen to the wind for the whisper of a name

Searching for evidence in the sunlight

I wonder if someone does the same?

Listening for me in the moonlit night

(Photo Credit: Consumed By Love and Lost Without It, via Tribework)

~~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira

I Curse the Grimm Reaper!

Angel Death

(Photo Credit via http://www.layoutsparks.com)

Death seems to creep up whenever you're not looking.

Hitting you sideways as a reminder of the fragility of our relationships.

Time passes us by laughing in our faces!

I feel exhausted w/ the knowing of the death of my Uncle Otto.

I remember him to be kind and warm, friendly and Just.

Who else is next?

What other Life will succumb to the ravenous appetite of Cancer?

To the unjust suffering of a slow death that takes all the energy and life force out of those around it?

I curse the Grimm Reaper and all its forces!

~~

As always, thanks for reading! Visit often to see what's new.

~Deyanira~

about.me/deyanira